And not so very lonely
Yesterday I woke up discombobulated.
No apparent reason as I’m in a beautiful place with my beautiful friend and everything in my life is just so, it seemed out of context.
All day I sat, working, and pottering and nattering. As the day wore on and we both tired, we eventually took ourselves and our moods to bed.
Restless dreams and dogs and worries woke me often and this morning I was propelled out of bed with what I thought was anxiety.
I immediately kick into ‘doing mode’ trying to run it all away.
I then stopped and took myself to the dining room table and wrote it all out — words help me make sense of a mind that mostly doesn’t stop. I made notes about anxiety and things I should perhaps pay closer attention to and on the writing went. I bounced off friends to help me look at this all from a different perspective until I realised what it’s all about.
I am hard on myself.
Who isn’t, right.
Life is kind to me and I see so many of my loves rioting into 2024 with woes and wounds and worries. And I see my life and, again I’m so immensely aware how kind it is to me. So I feel guilty for experiencing negative emotions. Who am I to bemoan anything, again, right!
Comparison is a bitch. Don’t do (note to self, Alex Parry). Everything has it’s place and whether or not it feels like it, so do mine.
We all just want to be seen (mostly by ourselves) for who we really are. We can do hard things. I love you, bye.
